


An Empty Mind

by gospel_truth (luwoo_woocas)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Luwoo, M/M, Not a lot of action, Some Fluff, a bit angsty, but a lot of characterization I'll say, but not super angsty, i just really miss luwoo, it sucks I'm sorry, woocas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-25 12:58:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17121821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luwoo_woocas/pseuds/gospel_truth
Summary: The mind is very fickle, and Lucas knows that very well. There is one coworker, though, that might change the way he perceives the world.Just another luwoo one-shot for your "missing luwoo" hours.





	An Empty Mind

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! I hope you enjoy this little one-shot, since we desperately need that luwoo content. I suck at summaries, so if you click, thank you so much for being interested! Also, if you can't handle some slight dark themes (there's no violence, just some delving into the mind), then I wouldn't recommend it. Other than that, I hope you enjoy!

He lived his life.

 

That’s it. He just lived his life, but never quite sure if he grasped the real essence of his life. Ever since his childhood, he knew what he needed to do. He understood his responsibilities as the oldest son. That’s why he moved to South Korea, and tried his best to complete his rigorous education, then get a high paying job to support his family.

Six years has passed and now he finally achieved the end goal. The target he has been working on his entire life. He graduated top of his class, which was rare for a foreign student, and was given openings for many jobs. Of course, he took the one that paid him the most, no matter how he truly felt about it.

Lucas doesn’t actually remember why he chose accounting as his major. He figured it was appropriate to do so, since it was the long-lost dream of his father. Lucas always wanted to make his father proud, and he knew this was a chance to see a smile on his father’s face.

Accounting gave him good opportunities, and now he is working at one of the wealthiest companies in South Korea. Lucas stared in awe as he received his first paycheck, and immediately sent most of the money to his family. After all, that was his ultimate goal in life, and he did it. He finally did it.

Though, he didn’t feel happy. Why was it? He always asked himself this question, but never had an answer to this question. He had a family that loved, a job that paid him well, and friends that always cheered him up and made him forget about the stress of his workforce. He wasn’t even a quiet sad man, on the contrary, he was the life of the party. He always cracked jokes and made sure to always include everyone in the conversation. His laugh was contagious, and it erupted across the room, making everyone else laugh with him.

Yet, a deep feeling of sadness always lingered around him. He couldn’t phantom the reason he always felt some shadow lingering beside him. It was like a friend that lingered and tormented him, especially when he wanted to be happy. As much as he wanted for this friend to leave him alone, this one has made its plans to stay in his life.

Lucas brushed it off as much as he could. He didn’t have time to focus on such a trivial matter, when he had to work harder to pay for the debts of his parents. He loved his parents too much, he kept reminding himself of that. He did this for his parents. His parents expected great things for him.

He was just one week into his work, and then it turned into several weeks, and then into several months. Lucas loved his job, and he told himself that various times. Yet, each day it takes him more time to get up. He will wake up to the God-awful alarm sound and groaned as he turned it off half asleep. He will slowly open his eyes, but he knew his mind wasn’t ready yet. Getting up was almost physically impossible for him, and each week he always thinks five more minutes than his normal wake time would be enough for him. He remembered the first days of his work, where he will wake up two hours before and make a nutritious breakfast as he combed his hair to perfection. Now, he waked up thirty minutes before he had to clock in, didn’t bother making breakfast because who needs it and forgets the necessity to comb his hair sometimes.

Lucas’ life became a routine. It was something he had to go along with, because if he didn’t, he feels his life would be over and he would become a great disappointment to his family. His friends became a routine, something he had to do because socializing is part of life, right? He laughs as his friends joke about the crazy hair he had that night, and of course it is the famous contagious laugh. His heart feels a slight tinge of pain, and he doesn’t understand why. Did the joke bother him that much? It was just a harmless joke? Why does he feel so hurt by it?

There was one person that did created a shift in his monotonous routine. It was like a virus that invaded his body, but Lucas does not want to fight back. He knew it sounded ridiculous, but he thought the coworker that worked beside him somehow brought some color red into his life. Lucas still can’t fathom why he chose that color then again, it was deemed fitting for the situation.

Lucas talked to him sometimes, but never really went past “how was your day?” phase. He knew his name was Jungwoo, and for some reason, he really enjoyed how the name flowed through his lips as he said it. Jungwoo would always bring him coffee and ask him about his morning. Of course, Lucas would lie and say it was very productive. But in reality, he had to collect all his human strength to even get up from bed. Jungwoo would always display that bright smile, which would always make Lucas smile back. Lucas described it as a magnet, pulling anyone to smile and become suddenly a bit happier.

Jungwoo was the optimistic person Lucas always dreamed of being. He was always greeting his coworkers, and laughing at everyone’s jokes, whether they were good or bad. Whenever Lucas spoke to him, Jungwoo made sure to pay attention and just listen. Yes, just listen. Something people are starting to forget to do, based on his day to day basis observation.

Lucas feels whenever he would talk, but someone always must switch it up and make it about them. With Jungwoo, he felt different, as if he was the only one that mattered to Jungwoo for that moment. He finally felt he was being listened to, no matter how trivial the subject matter seemed to be.

It has finally become a year ever since Lucas started his job, and he could probably say his friendship with Jungwoo became closer, as they now spent more time together. Jungwoo was the first one to suggest hanging out together, and Lucas finally felt some slight happiness creeping in his heart. The happiness was temporary, but he valued every second of it.

It wasn’t as if he didn’t feel things, but most of it will fade away quickly and he will resume this empty feeling inside him. With Jungwoo, though, he feels various emotions at once, and for the period he is with his friend, he never feels the hole inside his chest.

Lucas thought Jungwoo had the perfect life. After all, he worked the same job as Lucas and earned well enough to maintain himself and his family. Jungwoo would tell him of the adventures he will go on the weekends with his friends. Lucas also admired the way Jungwoo was involved in the community, participating in many marathons that helped a good cause.

Whenever Lucas hanged out with Jungwoo, he always finds something else that truly captivates him about the Korean man. In fact, his life and Jungwoo’s had many parallels, mostly on their academics and interests in life.

Lucas and Jungwoo were both geeks, enjoying many sci-fi films, and learning about space. Jungwoo would go to Lucas’ house, and together they will see a movie marathon. They both told each other they were interested in men, which was hard to express in a society that was still not as accepting as it should be. Ever since they told each other that, Lucas felt they were closer than ever, and he kept enjoying Jungwoo’s company more than anyone else’s.

Yeah, Lucas thought, they were very similar, but he’s much perfect. The way he smiles, and the way he laughs at his jokes, everything is so perfect. Lucas knew Jungwoo found his happy place; his happy life. Lucas wishes he could feel the same way. He wanted to be happy like Jungwoo, and he wanted to know what it feels like to enjoy the little things in life.

Jungwoo was like the perfect example of what he strived to be, and each day he felt his heart growing closer to the Korean man. He didn’t know what it meant, but as time passed by, he soon realized what was going inside his heart. He was starting to feel deep infatuation for his coworker – wait no – his best friend.

As he came to this realization, his mind suddenly peeked out from the shadows and weighed him down to the floor. It flooded him with messages of self-worthlessness, and how he didn’t deserve to be with someone as perfect as Jungwoo. He will just bring Jungwoo down with him, and he couldn’t do that to someone he loved. Jungwoo was someone without problems; a citizen of society that enjoyed every second of life. Someone who never felt like he just had to work, eat, and sleep. No, he was someone who knew the meaning of his life.

Of course, that was what Lucas thought of his now developed crush. Lucas was deep into this self-deprecating mentality, that he truly believed everyone else lived in their perfect lives. He failed to realize that life is a messy web, and everyone dealt with problems of their own. That’s why he was surprised when he heard his doorbell ring at 9pm on a Thursday night.

He walked puzzled towards the door and peeked into the peephole. He was surprised to see Jungwoo on the other side of the door, and Lucas opened the door immediately. Lucas never planned something for tonight, so Jungwoo’s presence is a wonder for him.

As soon as Lucas opened the door, Jungwoo looked at him and smiled tenderly with deep soft eyes.

“May I come in? I wanted to talk to someone, and you were the only one I thought of. Sorry if you were a bit busy, I can come another time-“

“No, it’s fine. I was just surprised you can suddenly. Come in, I was just cooking myself something,” Lucas said, gesturing Jungwoo to enter. Jungwoo step foot into the house, and as always, admired how neat everything was inside the living room. It was intricately designed, with splashes of pitch black and mahogany perfectly combined to create an eccentric living room. Jungwoo sat down carefully on the couch and looked at Lucas as the Chinese man walked towards him. Jungwoo didn’t know what suddenly changed his mood, but suddenly he broke down crying, covering his eyes in shame.

Lucas immediately sat beside Jungwoo, gently stroking Jungwoo’s hair to calm him down. Lucas was in a slight state of panic, worried for what cause Jungwoo to break down in front of him. Though, even though his heart was going through sharp emotions, he tried his best to remain calm. He has to, for him; for Jungwoo.

“Jungwoo, what’s wrong?” Lucas asked, moving closer to Jungwoo, “I’m here, okay? I’m here to listen to you.”

Lucas’ words made Jungwoo cry even harder, and it pained Lucas to see him like this. He has never heard Jungwoo cried so hard to the point where Jungwoo had to breathe, because the tears blocked his nose. The tears streamed down his cheeks, with an unnatural flow. Jungwoo felt such pain, and truly believed his tears were acid, because the pain was unbearable.

“Lucas…you’re the only one…who I can talk to,” Jungwoo said between tears. He leaned his head towards Lucas, and Lucas open his arms and pulled him gently to hug him tightly.

“It’s okay, Jungwoo. Tell me anything, I am here,” Lucas replied, resting his chin on Jungwoo’s forehead. Jungwoo looked up with his eyes to Lucas, even though he couldn’t quite see him clearly. He held onto Lucas shirt tightly, seeming to think it was holding on to his life.

“Will you…always be here with me?” Jungwoo asked, hiccupping sobs as he tried his best to regain control.

“Of course, Jungwoo,” Lucas began, grabbing Jungwoo’s shoulders and pushing him slightly so that they can face each other eye-to-eye, “I’ll always be here.”

Jungwoo looked away, glancing at the living room. Particularly the Christmas tree that was placed in the corner. Jungwoo didn’t want to admit it, but it looked very sad and dull. The lights weren’t on, almost no ornament, and there were barely any branches in the tree. It looked bare and isolated in such a small corner. It gave Jungwoo time to think, and time to gain strength to look at Lucas.

“Lucas, I just want you to listen right now,” Jungwoo said. Lucas looked at him with all the focus in the world, and nodded, encouraging Jungwoo to speak. Jungwoo gulped loudly and reached out to hold Lucas’ hands for support.

“My life has been something that I consider lucky. I get paid well, I have a house, and I even have a loving family. But I feel like there is something missing in my life. A huge part missing, and I can’t find it no matter how hard I try,” Jungwoo said, pausing to control his breath, “Literally you’re the only one that can minimize this feeling I have of just complete worthlessness, Lucas. You’re the only one I spend such a good time with, and honestly the thought of you leaving, hurts me. I also know that you’re feeling the same way; I can see it in your eyes. You have those same sad eyes even when you’re smiling, and I wanted you to know that I am also here.”

Jungwoo finished speaking and was terrified at how Lucas would react. I mean, how could he react? Jungwoo told him bluntly that he was also in a state of mental deterioration. He feared Lucas would judge him, and maybe tell him that what he said was absurd. Lucas, though, looked in awe as he heard Jungwoo’s words and felt like his heart was bursting. In a good way, of course, and he knew that his feelings for Jungwoo grew even stronger. He found someone that understood what he was going through. He finally felt like he wasn’t alone in this world.

Jungwoo sighed and couldn’t bear the silence in the room. He was about to get up from the couch, but he felt a sudden force pulling him down. He stared wide-eyes as he was suddenly pulled towards Lucas into a tight hug. Before he Jungwoo knew it, he was hugging Lucas back with the same force.

“Jungwoo, thank you so much for sharing this with me. Everything you just told me, really meant something for me. I understand, everything you just told me. I wanted to tell you something,” Lucas said.

“What?” Jungwoo asked, interested in what Lucas wanted to express. Lucas shifted a bit and closed his eyes for a moment as he collected his thoughts.

“I wanted to say that…I like you. I liked you before today, and I like you even more now,” Lucas said. Jungwoo looked down at their hands and spoke softly.

“You want to be with me, even when I’m a little fucked up?”

“You’re not ‘fucked up’. Even if you were, I love every imperfection you have. Everything I know about you, and even the things I don’t, I love all of it,” Lucas said, which made Jungwoo blush madly.

“What if I say I like you too?” Jungwoo asked, making Lucas laugh.

“Then I’ll be the happiest man on Earth.”

They both smiled at each other, as if they were the only people on the planet. Their eyes met with such grace and tenderness, their hearts and minds struck with pure limerence that it was impossible to look away. They intertwined hands without noticing, and suddenly Jungwoo leaned in to cuddle with Lucas. Arms enveloping him to a warm and cozy feeling that he never thought he will get the chance to experience.

They both embraced each other, feeling the heat between themselves as the cold weather invaded the city. For that moment, nothing mattered in the world. It was just the two of them against the world, and for the first time in a long time, they felt like they had the upper-hand. Deep down they knew it wouldn’t be easy living with their feelings and especially their minds, but together, they felt like they were not alone fighting their battles. Together they could conquer their empty minds, that dark shadow that threatened their happiness.

Together, they will chase cars, around their heads.

 

_If I lay here, If I just lay here…_

_Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

**Author's Note:**

> You made it to the end! Did you like it? I really hope you did! Comments, kudos, and feedback are greatly appreciated as a writer, so please, feel free to write me anything!


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